The Secret Life Of Mademoiselle Lou Ella

I'm A Dreamer, A Girl That Wishes On Stars, That's Been Through The Worst And Finally Experiencing The Best.

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29th January
2012
29

Where words fail, music speaks.
Hans Christian Andersen (via sprungloaded)

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Who am I?

There's three sides of my life.

The one where everybody knows me, everybody loves me, I take shit from nobody and I own my life. I work hard and play harder. I make myself known, and I do things I shouldn't. I don't trust, I'm suspiscious of everyone new. I'm cold hearted, sarcastic, and my humor is dry. I intimidate men and use them like toys. I am strong and carefree. I am Mademoiselle Lou Ella.

Then there's the 'family' me. I behave how my family see me. I live for them, they live through me. I'm a good girl. I behave. I try my best, I achieve nothing. I'm almost 30 with no man, home or children, a little behind my younger family members. Sometimes they see me as selfish, should I chose to live my life my way. Sometimes they have no idea who I am. I am daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, grandaughter, niece. I am Laura.

Then, then is me. A person very very few people know. I try not to trust but I do and get hurt. I've loved with my whole heart, and had it crushed till it doesn't work anymore. I love from a safe distance. I've cried so many tears, I can't cry anymore. I think too much. I'm shy and quiet. I worry, I panic, I need time on my own, I hate being alone. I'm an enigma. I keep secrets, I tell none of mine. I live in fear of a darkness thats ready to take over me. I am not strong, I am not weak. I just am.

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