The Secret Life Of Mademoiselle Lou Ella

Hi.

I’d like to think I don’t speak to him like shit. He has a way of being very blunt and talking without thinking, something I do still need to get used to. As for how I portray myself on here it’s very different to how I actually am. I’d like to think I’m strong willed but in reality I’m very weak and give in to things too easily. I say alot on here that I don’t say to him because yes I an quite needy and easily upset, so I’ll write here so that I’m not annoying him and making him feel bad. He doesn’t read my Tumblr or know of the times when I’m really down or struggling with the distance. I wouldn’t say I’m always attacking him either. He’s a very very good man to me and at times treats me way better than someone like me deserves. It’s just been a bad weekend, for both of us, and so I’m whinging here rather than to him causing a bad air between us, especially with the distance. It wasn’t until last night I realized why he’d been narky. There’s nothing I can do but reassure him, the same as what he does for me when I have irrational fears. He jyst reacts differently to me and unfortunately it’s in a way that hurts my feelings.

This whole serious relationship thing is a learning curve. For both me and him. There’s probably things we could both do to make each other feel better. But for now there’s a serious huge distance between us and we do what we do.

As for toughening myself up, I don’t want to. Not with him. I’ve been through a very lot in my life. I’ve had to be cold and hard towards life to survive and I’d rather not be that way with him. Having emotions and showing them is very very new to me. I often get it wrong and I often don’t know how I should react to situations and just end up upset.

It’s something I’ll work on.

If I’ve given a bad impression of him please disregard it. He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We’re just having a moment. I don’t mean to be ‘attackIng him’ either. I’m just having a whinge. I thinktheres a difference.